Celebrating and Processing End of School Year Transitions

​Even though we have recently been turned upside down in space and time, we are suddenly at the point where we must talk about the end of the school year. In the article Pieces of the Bye: The Importance of Preparing to say Goodbye to Children and Their Families, Janice Fialka touches on all the complicated aspects of endings and offers ways to reflect more deeply to acknowledge and find relief in our human experiences. It can be easy to let these school closures and the pandemic eclipse the multitude of joys, victories, surprises, disasters, and repairs that went on in all our relationships at our schools. Thus, let us not forget the important memories and events that occurred from the first day of school onward. I hope this brings some structured relief as we all deal with the school years’ end in a time that we never could have imagined.

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Janice Fialka reflects on how to process saying goodbye in her article:

As teachers, social workers, nurses, and other service providers, we are aware of the importance of our first encounter with a new child, a new family, or a new client. Be it in their home, our classroom, our office, or our school, we make certain to greet families with a welcoming spirit that promotes a sense of safety and comfort.  We want to communicate with our eyes, our words, and our gestures: “We care about you and we are eager to work with you.” We value our beginning meetings with families and children and typically prepare with skill, time, and care for this first encounter. As the saying goes, we want to start out on the right foot.
 
Equally important, yet often overlooked, is the importance of preparing to say “goodbye” to children and families as they transition to new schools or programs. Teachers and other providers often plan goodbye parties, create colorful picture books of their student’s accomplishments, write thoughtful notes to parents, or in some way recognize this precious moment in time.  These strategies are meaningful and help to prepare for the goodbye, but they might unintentionally prevent us from looking at the whole experience or all the pieces in the relationship. Partnerships with children and families are complex and cannot easily be condensed into a farewell party, red balloons, or a delicious goodbye pie.  There are elaborate checklists for all the features of a high-quality transition, but nowhere is there even a box to check for the personal dimensions of leave taking.
 
Endings of all kinds often stir up strong emotions—positive and negative. As we prepare to say goodbye to children and families, we may be pleased that they are leaving with a new set of skills but we may also question ourselves and worry if we did everything we could to prepare them for the next phase of their education or life. These worries or wonderings may linger, even as we hug the children goodbye or warmly shake the hands of the parents.
 
Saying goodbye gives rise to the joys and worries, wishes and regrets that typically emerge in relationships. If we try to disregard the range of feelings and thoughts, we may lose the opportunity to be reflective and integrate the lessons learned from this relationship. In addition, we may end up carrying these worries or wonderings with us for longer than what is helpful or necessary.

​What is it About Goodbyes that Challenge Us?
• Endings often remind us of previous “goodbyes” we have experienced personally and professionally. They stir up the old. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish between old feelings and the current experience.
• Endings remind us of our vulnerability and the fact that there are no guarantees in life. Nothing really is forever. Change is inevitable.
• Endings interrupt our routines and take us away from what is familiar.
• Endings force us to enter new worlds, with new people, norms, and experiences.
• Endings may give rise to awkward feelings, such as sadness, frustration, or even a feeling of relief that this relationship is (finally!) over. Endings may stir up other feelings such as anger or regret about what we did not accomplish, or what remains unresolved or undiscussed. We may anticipate strong feelings of missing this child, family, or client.​
 
How to Prepare for Saying Goodbye
In preparing for the numerous goodbyes that children, parents, and service providers experience, I created a tool that provides some structure to helping people reflect in a deeper and more comprehensive way about “saying goodbye.”  This tool acknowledges that there are multiple and varied reactions that rise in all relationships. It is not essential that we discuss each reaction, thought, or feeling; however, by using this tool we allow ourselves to recognize the range of experiences—to think about the many pieces of the “bye”. Think of this as a new take on the transition checklist— the questions we never ask. Maybe we can think of the pie as “food for thought” on the subject!
 
Our “bye” is divided into eight wedges, each representing a different aspect of the relationship.  There is space in each piece of the pie to jot down a few words or phrases that get triggered by the open-ended statements placed on each slice. 

This visual tool invites us to think about many facets of our work with families, especially the more challenging ones. In using this guide, we do not have to dutifully complete each “piece” for each relationship. We use it to help us uncover reactions, to be reflective and thus be more deliberate in our discussions.

​My Final Thoughts

As our goodbyes look very different in this time of virtual and on the phone meets, I hope that we can use this “pieces of the bye” as a springboard to plan how to hold multiple sides of the experience of goodbyes.  We can fantasize about that perfect ending that we could have had with our clients if we were face to face in our familiar meeting spaces, and we can also acknowledge that our moves to say goodbye during this unprecedented time may be just as powerful too.

Blog Post Written By: Julie Kim, Clinical Supervisor