All of us in the Unconditional Education world find ourselves challenged at one point or another by a child who just seems to "forget what she knows" in moments of escalation. Sometimes the escalation itself may not even be evident--a child who was once thoughtful and seemed to really internalize the concept of caring for a friend lashes out during a group lesson, or bullies a peer during a seemingly benign moment waiting in line. What is the problem??" we might ask - rhetorically really - as we stifle (or blurt out) the words "you know better than that!" We might be thinking "we've gone over this and over how to be a kind person, is this kid a monster??" Parents wonder these things too -- it's challenging to remember that moral development is not as linear as it feels once we're grown. As adults, we have learned and practiced the art of impulse control, of asking for help, of taking a moment before reacting. Typically we have quicker access to a higher moral road. The children we work with are at varying stages of moral development and it may be helpful to reflect on what that actually means, what that can look like. And this applies to all kids, regardless of whether there's a trauma history or a challenging internal working model. Let's normalize the bumpy road of moral development!
Recently, some of our clinical supervision groups read an article published in in the Psychotherapy Networker that discusses the realities of childhood moral development. If you’re interested in reading the article, ask yourself as you read: How might you respond to a child who is struggling to apologize, given the information in this article? Are there ways we could reduce shaming children for their moral errors or natural missteps?
Blog post written by:
Emily Marsh, Director of Clinical Interventions
Emily Marsh, Director of Clinical Interventions
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