Is it realistic to always remain calm when we’re working with youth? Nope. And guess what? It can be productive, instructive, and ideal for us to be honest about our own dysregulation. When you pretend to be calm with youth, you are not fooling them: they see it, feel it, and might chalk it up to one more reason adults are not safe. Here is an explanation of this neurological phenomenon:
“When another person gets dysregulated, we are designed to feel the dysregulation too! Think of it like your nervous system and their nervous system are saying “hello” to each other. We can partly thank our mirror neuron system for this phenomenon. When we see someone experiencing emotions, we actually imagine having the same experience. The wisdom in this is that it supports our ability to attune and have empathy. It also gives us information about what might be going on for the other person. One of the other reasons we get dysregulated is because our brains are constantly scanning our environment for safety clues and whether or not there is a challenge to overcome.” (Dion, L., 2022)
Staying honest about your emotional state when you are dysregulated in interactions with youth can lead to trust and the always important feeling of connection. First, own your feelings: “When you climb on that wall it makes me feel really nervous.” “When you hide the Uno cards it makes me feel frustrated.” Second, model the way you regulate “Wow I’m going take a break here to calm down and do three deep dragon breaths.” “I need to just stop a minute and ground myself with this fidget.” This not only demonstrates ways to regulate but also models self-awareness and expression of emotional states for our clients. The icing on the cake here is you become more attuned to your own triggers and challenges while remaining authentic. That’s self-care!
Once a youth learns that you are honest about your emotions and willing to regulate yourself when with them, they are much more willing to join in or experiment with it themselves. Co-regulation becomes an incredibly useful touchpoint when a youth is distressed. “Yikes, you seem really frustrated, I can feel it, let’s do some breaths together and see if it helps.”
For more information check out some of Lisa Dion‘s podcast and YouTube videos; she started Synergistic Play Therapy, which draws on neuroscience, neurosequential work, play therapy, and psychotherapy.
https://synergeticplaytherapy.com/
Once a youth learns that you are honest about your emotions and willing to regulate yourself when with them, they are much more willing to join in or experiment with it themselves. Co-regulation becomes an incredibly useful touchpoint when a youth is distressed. “Yikes, you seem really frustrated, I can feel it, let’s do some breaths together and see if it helps.”
For more information check out some of Lisa Dion‘s podcast and YouTube videos; she started Synergistic Play Therapy, which draws on neuroscience, neurosequential work, play therapy, and psychotherapy.
https://synergeticplaytherapy.com/
Blog Post Written By: Laurie Kindel, Clinical Supervisor
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